Porto Santo tourist traps
Porto Santo is a peaceful island, with honest people and the lowest crime rate in the country. However, its biggest industry is… tourism. So, obviously, it’s not immune to tourist traps. I’m happy to report that there aren’t a lot of those (Porto Santo really is a gem), but there are some. In my honest opinion, these are the biggest tourist traps in Porto Santo:
Lambeca (from Nico’s)
Lambeca is an institution in Porto Santo. To you, it may seem just a regular ice-cream. However, in 1958 it was one of the first places in Madeira to offer soft-serve ice-cream. (For context, Porto Santo only swapped Petromax for electricity to light up its streets in 1954.) So, obviously, Lambeca was a huge novelty and lives rent-free on most Madeireans childhood memories.
Not, cut to 2024. Just a few steps away, Nico’s (a burger-chain from Madeira) opened an ice-cream shop with the same name. As a tourist, you may even think that’s the real deal! But it isn’t. If you’re on the hunt for a Lambeca, go to the original one. Plus, Nico’s always offers the same flavours – unlike the original Lambeca, which changes everyday. Highlights include lemon, banana, peach, and pastel de nata.
Bolo do Caco (also from Nico’s)
Bolo do caco is originally from Porto Santo. And right at the city centre there’s a huge bolo do caco from Nico’s. It’s not that bad, but it’s not good either. In my opinion, their bolo do caco doesn’t have the elasticity it should have – it almost seems like a pressed dinner roll. And I’ve never seen a local getting their bolo do caco from there, which effectively gives it the “tourist trap” stamp.
If you’re craving bolo do caco, there are at least two better options in a 2 minute radius. The best one is Casinha do Bolo do Caco by the beach. The lovely lady who runs the shop offers generous portions, fluffy bolo do caco, and garlic butter that hits the right spot. And then there’s another lady who also sells bolo do caco at the wooden stands by the roundabout, but you’ll have to heat it at home.
Porto das Salemas
This is an unpopular opinion, but I don’t recommend going to Porto das Salemas. Although the pools look beautiful, it’s only worth it during the low tide. Plus, the only way to get there is through a steep trail, which is not ideal if you’re carrying beach towels and the like. And finally, when you get down to the pools, they’re slippery. With so many easily accessible beaches in Porto Santo, it just seems unnecessary.
All those seashell bracelets
I’ve previously said that Porto Santo is a mood. You need to relax, unwind, and forget about almond-milk matcha lattes. It’s back to basics. And in case you forgot to bring some loungewear, the island’s shops will supply you well. But then you have all those shell bracelets, sold at souvenir shops and elsewhere, which are 100% made in China. There aren’t even that many shells at Porto Santo’s beach!
Making Porto Santo into a day trip
However, the worst tourist trap in Porto Santo is making it into a day trip. All in all, you’ll end up spending more time on the boat than on the island. Instead, I recommend taking the boat from Funchal to Porto Santo at 08:00, and come back the next day at 18:00. This will give you almost two whole days on the island, which is enough to visit the highlights and enjoy some time at the beach without rushing.
Rushing is, after all, the antithesis of Porto Santo. Take the time to enjoy an ice-cream (but not too much, or it’ll melt), spend a slow day at the beach, resist the urge to take some sand with you, and try some freshly baked bolo do caco in front of the sea for a true Madeiran experience.