Madeira Tourist Traps & Scams
Madeira has a way of selling itself — sometimes a little too well. That’s why you see levada walks crowded enough to feel like queues, traffic from rent-a-cars and tour buses, souvenir shops where poncha tastes like sugar syrup instead of rum, and “fresh” frozen limpets imported from the Azores. None of this ruins Madeira, but tourist traps will certainly sour your experience. With that in mind, here are Madeira’s biggest tourist traps and scams.
Mercado dos Lavradores
Mercado dos Lavradores (the Farmer’s Market) is Madeira’s most notorious tourist trap. A simple google search will yield several warnings about overpricing, and that you can get the same fruits for much less just across the street. In fact, sometimes you can get it for a little less even just by going to the stalls on the first floor. But that’s hardly the one problem – after all, even an overpriced pitaya (dragon fruit) won’t set you back that much.
My biggest issue with the Farmer’s Market is that a lot of those fruits are not, in fact, grown in Madeira. While Madeira is a natural winterhouse for a lot of tropical fruits, not all of them are available all year around. And even when they are, they aren’t always enough to satisfy tourists’ appetites. Which is why, if you look closely at the tags at each stall, a lot of them come from Colombia, Peru, and other South American countries.
Does this mean you should skip the market altogether? Of course not. It’s one of the main tourist attractions and I still advise you to go, just proceed with caution. A good idea is to see what’s in season when you’re coming. You’ll probably find local produce as long as it is in season. Besides, if you happen to be here on a Friday or on a Saturday, that’s when local farmers really hit the ground floor and bring all the fresh goodness.
Here’s a table of what’s in season in each month:
| jan | feb | mar | apr | may | jun |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| bananas guava strawberry guava cherimoya avocado surinam cherry chayote oranges tangerines mandarins |
bananas guava strawberry guava cherimoya avocado surinam cherry chayote oranges tangerines mandarins |
bananas cherimoya avocado surinam cherry strawberry guava chayote oranges tangerines mandarins |
bananas avocado chayote strawberries oranges tangerines mandarins |
bananas papaya (starts) avocado cherries strawberries chayote oranges tangerines mandarins |
bananas papaya avocado persimmon (early) peaches plums cherries strawberries chayote oranges tangerines mandarins |
| jul | aug | sep | oct | nov | dec |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| bananas papaya mango (starts) melon watermelon pitaya prickly pear peaches plums pomegranate chayote pepino melon |
bananas papaya mango melon watermelon pitaya prickly pear peaches plums pomegranate chayote pepino melon |
bananas mango passion fruit granadilla pitaya prickly pear quince pomegranate apple pear chayote pepino melon |
bananas guava passion fruit mango (late) avocado (starts) persimmon pear apple quince pomegranate chayote (peak) chestnut (starts) strawberry guava |
bananas guava avocado persimmon pear apple cherimoya tamarillo chestnut chayote oranges tangerines mandarins strawberry guava |
bananas guava avocado cherimoya tamarillo persimmon chestnut chayote oranges tangerines mandarins strawberry guava |
Espada with banana (or passion fruit)
Espada, or black scabbard fish, is one of the most popular dishes in Madeira. I would even go as far as saying that it’s their “meat and potatoes” but, for some odd reason, restaurants insist on serving it with passion fruit sauce or flambée banana. And while there may exist a unicorn out there, in ten years I’ve never seen a single local order it or eat it like that at home.
Traditionally, scabbard fish is served with boiled potatoes, vegetables (green beans, carrots, chayote) or milho frito, which is usually translated as “fried cornmeal” but tastes more like “fried polenta” (which sounds better too). So, to truly feel like a local, let them know you will have none of that passion fruit and banana business. You want the real deal, with milho frito and/or potatoes and/or boiled vegetables (“verdura”).
Souvenir Shops
There is a certain type of souvenir shops that has popped up like wild mushrooms all over the oldest part of Funchal. It’s easy to spot them: they all have the same cork products, the same magnets, the same Portuguese flags that seem to have something off about them, and the same tile-inspired decor. Unfortunately, these are (allegedly) mostly fronts to cover up illegal immigration or money laundering.
If you look closely, even those cork products aren’t made in Portugal, even though it’s the biggest exporter in the world. The flags and the national symbols are made in China, and usually the proportions aren’t quite right. In fact, most of these stores don’t have Portuguese-speaking staff. Therefore, they are quickly becoming the biggest tourist trap in Madeira. By the way, instead of buying your souvenirs at these stores, look at some other options over here.
Bottled poncha
Bottled poncha does not compare to the original thing. Poncha should be made on the spot with lemon juice, sugar and rum (poncha à pescador) or orange juice, rum and bee honey (poncha regional). Varieties with passion fruit, tamarillo and other fruits are accepted, but the juice must be freshly squeezed – not bottled, not pulp. So all of those bottles you see at souvenir shops and supermarkets? Locals see it as a scam.
Anjos Waterfall in Ponta do Sol
The Anjos Waterfall recently became popular all over Instagram. That’s quite a jump from when the locals used to look at it as “natural carwash”, and most Madeirans just cannot understand the appeal. But is it a tourist trap just because locals don’t understand the appeal? Not quite. What tourists don’t realise is that the high lands of Ponta do Sol still have plenty of agriculture and herding, so the levadas carry all sorts of… residues. That’s not pure water from the spring, people!
The Cabo Girão Skywalk
A lot of people describe Gabo Girão, Europe’s highest cape, as a “tourist trap” on Trip Advisor. While I don’t exactly see it as a Madeira tourist trap – the views are amazing, and well worth the stop – it only makes sense as a part of a bigger trip around the island. If you’re just going out of Funchal and back because of Cabo Girão, your five minutes on top of the ocean may not be worth it.
Parque Temático da Madeira (Santana)
Once I went into the farmer’s market and an arrogant tourist started photographing an older flower seller, dressed in the typical Madeira costume, without asking for permission. She noticed and angrily turned to him, in Portuguese, saying that she wasn’t a circus monkey. Nobody even stepped in to translate – her anger was universal. We can’t reduce traditions into tourist attractions and theme parks.
Obviously, the park may give you an introduction to some Madeira lore. But do they hold any meaning when you’re seeing them without any context? If you truly want to know local traditions, just walk around the island respectfully and they’ll pop up. The real island lives off the main roads. Hidden in small, roadside cafés with a dentinho, in markets and bakeries that only open on weekends, in vase-lined vegetable gardens, and living rooms where women still do embroidery.